We’ve been working with senior sex educator Joan Price for several years and have learned so much about becoming a more inclusive sex toy company from her. This year she’s been extremely busy, not only with her usual work talking out loud about senior sex, but with a new book, Sex After Grief, and ‘Guide To Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’, a film she made with sex educator and porn performer jessica drake. With both launching this month, we caught up with her to find out more.
Is ‘Guide To Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’ a porn film or a sex ed video?
It’s sex ed and it’s explicit. I give information and tips, just as I do in my books and workshops, and two sexy senior couples shed their clothes and show how they have sex in real life. I see the film as instructional while also being explicit. Porn, in contrast, is fantasy sex, designed to arouse, not educate. This film has seniors expressing themselves sexually and the sex scenes are completely real and unscripted.
Was this your first experience of creating a film like this?
This was my first time creating or being in a film, period! I’d never even been on a film set before. jessica drake shepherded me through the process every step of the way, and during that process, we became close friends. She’s an amazing human being with a brilliant mind and a warm, compassionate heart. What a gift to work with her!
What impact do you hope this film will have?
I hope ‘Guide To Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’ will take us a step closer to normalizing sex through our later years. I hope people will see that great sex and orgasms can happen in many ways and that the best sex tool is communication. We premiered the film at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and the audience – young adults through seniors – loved it! Young people are seniors in training. They need to learn what to expect so they don’t fear aging.
Making ‘Guide To Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’ with jessica drake, our sexy seniors, the professional crew, and Wicked Pictures, was the experience of a lifetime. I’m grateful and proud of the work we did together and the superb product that resulted.
Now tell us about your new book Sex After Grief – what prompted you to write it?
I lost my beloved Robert to cancer in 2008 after seven years together. I was in profound grief for a very long time, and once I was ready (or thought I was ready, or hoped I was ready), returning to my sexual self was difficult and confusing. Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved is the book that I wish I had been able to read when I was going through this.
What was the writing process like for you?
At first, I had to go into a dark place emotionally, returning to the worst times of my grief. I cried through writing certain chapters. I reread my journals – the good memories and the despairing ones – and this always made me cry. But I knew I had a mission to help others get through what I had experienced with less confusion, so I stuck with it.
Other times, I felt happy, even exhilarated as I wrote because I believed so completely in what I was doing, and this brought me joy. The many grievers who shared their own stories warmed my heart, and sometimes I felt I would burst with gratitude. And some of the stories were funny! Even though the topic is sad, I tried to make the book uplifting, practical, and occasionally funny.
What are the most important lessons you’ve learned about sex after grief?
We all have different timelines for becoming sexual again. We all do it differently: different kinds of relationships, different ways of approaching dating. We’re not doing grief ‘wrong’ if it doesn’t look like the way society or our friends or family expect us to grieve.
We rarely see this topic written or talked about – why is it important to break the silence?
That’s exactly why it’s important. Our sexuality, our need for touch and intimacy and passion – these are all part of being human. When we’re in grief, we shut down in many ways. Coming back into our bodies is an important part of our learning to feel alive again. When I was reading other grief books in preparation for writing this one, I couldn’t believe how rarely sex was mentioned at all, and if it was, it was usually a warning.
I’m very proud of this book. It’s much needed by grievers and the people who want to understand them.
Sex After Grief launched on 15 August and is available from most online and physical bookshops. If you’re in the US and you want an autographed copy, you can order one here.
The DVD of ‘Guide To Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’ is available in the US now. It will roll out internationally over the next few months and will also be available as VOD (video on demand) soon.
