When I say the word 'Pleasure', I bet you think of something intimate, sexual or even involving another person. But what if I told you that pleasure is so much more?
Yep, that's right, pleasure is not just about sex; it is an emotion, a sensation, and a process that unfolds over time, and our relationship with it can shift in its way of wanting it and indulging in it. True pleasure requires practice, patience, and, in some cases, healing and unlearning.
So, how do we explore pleasure in a way that is fulfilling, enriching, and free from shame and also outside the realms of the stereotypical penis in vagina sex?
Pleasure is about connection—Alone first!
Pleasure is not just about sex; it starts with ourselves. Yes, that's right, it's ok to explore pleasure alone! The more connected we are to our bodies, emotions, and desires, the deeper our pleasure experiences will be. Exploring pleasure can also be through self-touch, movement, creativity, or sensory exploration; pleasure is a way of reconnecting to self and discovering what makes us feel good. For example, remember a meal that just made you move with excitement or when you felt the sun on your skin; those are moments of pleasure.
Shame and pleasure
Many of us were raised in environments where pleasure was dismissed, shamed, or ignored. Whether it be because of cultural taboos or societal messaging, pleasure has often been framed as something 'wrong', especially for women. Unfortunately, this has created a society of people who feel disconnected from their bodies, making pleasure feel unfamiliar or even guilt-ridden. However, we are here to let you know that every body deserves pleasure in whatever shape or form that may be for you.
Pleasure can exist outside of sex.
Onto the most important point when it comes to exploring pleasure, exploring outside of sex first. While pleasure is often linked to sex, it is much broader than that and, as we mentioned in the beginning, can take many shapes and forms and experiences. Pleasure can be whatever you want, from a warm bath, a sensual massage, eating your favourite meal, or a long hug with a partner or friend. It is in movement, laughter, music, dance, cooking, and more. When we expand our idea of pleasure and what it truly means to us beyond the bedroom, we create more opportunities to feel good, which, once practised enough, can start to translate into sex.
Pleasure is a process.
If you take anything away from this article, it is that pleasure is not a destination but a journey, and everyone's journey is unique. Exploring pleasure happens through experimentation, self-discovery, and plenty of patience and self-awareness. There is no 'right' way to experience pleasure, and it is ok for it to evolve over time and also change in experiences. You might enjoy one thing one year, then the next find it a massive turn-off. While we live in a world of instant gratification, setting time to explore pleasure, rather than waiting for it to happen spontaneously, is the key to success and will help you build a lifelong relationship with it. Remember not to force it or feel down if it's not showing up for you. Just take some time to explore when you last felt pleasure and recreate that experience.
Pleasure is an emotion and a sensation.
Lastly, remember that pleasure is both physical and emotional. It is the shiver you feel on your skin, the deep breath of relaxation, the flutter of excitement, or the warmth of connection. But it is also joy, anticipation, relief, and belonging. Pleasure is multi-dimensional, and when we give ourselves permission to feel it fully, we can start to feel connected to our minds and bodies.
Embracing pleasure, one step at a time.
Whether pleasure feels foreign, shameful, or familiar, the truth is that it is yours and yours alone. There is no right or wrong way to experience it; it is only your way, so start small. A deep breath. A slow stretch. The taste of something delicious. A touch that feels good. Look for one thing that brings you pleasure together, and say hello!