Shakira ‘Scotty Unfamous’ Scott is an inappropriately fancy, London-based sexual wellness content creator, multi award-winning erotic romance author, co-founder of the sexual happiness experts MSSS and #DumpHim queen!
She started her blog to help women of colour explore and remove the stigma around their sexuality, educate them in the art of sensuality and promote and inspire self-love and body confidence. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Learning How to Deepthroat: The Beginner’s Guide
There’s something therapeutic about having a d*ck in your throat sighs dreamily.
As the candid Sexfluencer who revels in sharing her ‘heaux stories’ with my audience, I get A LOT of questions about the subject we shall be discussing today – learning how to deep throat, the guide you’ve all been waiting for! A lot of discussion around physical intimacy focuses on penis in vagina sex, but there is so much more to sex and honestly, I don’t think it’s fair that penetration gets to be the star of the show when ‘foreplay’ is so much more indulgent.
What is Deepthroating?
Deepthroating is my favourite fellatio method. I utilise it every time I go down on my partner. Needless to say, I am an expert…mostly because I’m a Pillow Princess (lazy as hell) who doesn’t like to go on top, so sucking d*ck like a top tier porn star is how I make up for it. For those who are unfamiliar with this term, the act of ‘deepthroating’ is taking a dick into your oesophagus so that your penis person will think you are a mystical sex gawd, whilst simultaneously trying not to choke in the process (this can be a turn on for your partner, but we’ll get more into that later on). In short, it’s a blow job that goes the extra mile.
This is my beginner-friendly guide on how to perform fellatio like a seasoned champion. I understand that the idea of having a penis knocking your tonsils aside can be daunting, but this act can be very pleasurable for both you and your partner. Fun fact, I once climaxed from it. How? Science! There is a nerve in your throat called the vagus nerve that can make deep throating hella erotic for the giver. The vagus nerve has a direct connection to your cervix and uterus, thus when stimulated correctly, it can bring vulva owners to orgasm. Deepthroating is also a psychological turn-on that also includes a cheeky dash of power play to make it even hotter.
Preparing to Deepthroat
Not sure if this has to be said, but your penis person should have good sexual hygiene, especially if you are going to put them in your mouth. Infections are real.
Keep your throat lubricated. It helps to have a drink nearby. I dunno about you lot, but I’m an enthusiastic fellatio giver and have been the unfortunate (but proud) victim of friction burn in my mouth from time to time. Staying hydrated helps prevent that. I usually go for water or herbal tea like chamomile or peppermint as they are anti-inflammatory and can help to soothe any potential damage. Tea also calms you and being relaxed whilst you do this is key. Adding a spoon of honey can also be useful as honey is anti-bacterial. I would advise against lubricating your mouth with alcohol as it makes you dehydrated. Alternatively, you can also use lube to assist you. Water-based ones are always my go-to, but if you need a bit more razzle dazzle you can get a flavoured one.
Scotty’s Top Tips on Deepthroating
Something people worry about the most when it comes to deepthroating is gagging. Gagging is completely normal, it will definitely happen, but there are ways to control it. As I mentioned earlier, some partners may find it sexy as it gives a nod to power play and the spasms from your throat can feel good to them. Obviously, you don’t want to sound like you are going to die every time your tonsils are tickled by the d*ck, so I recommend practising; it does make perfect, after all. Start small. Try a finger, something phallic shaped, even trialling your technique on a dildo can help. Your partner is also good to practice on if you are comfortable enough, just remember to take it slow. The point of this is to help you get used to the sensation.
One of the most powerful tools in your arsenal when using this oral sex technique is your mind. In my experience, whenever I’ve panicked about having a penis halfway down my neck, it’s caused me to tense up, thus I’d end up choking. It’s a mind over matter thing. The more relaxed you are, the easier it is. If you need to go slow, make sure that you let your partner know. Both of you being attentive while you try this out makes it less scary and takes the pressure off of you so you can relax and enjoy exploring your sexuality.
Positioning is crucial when you are doing this
With standard oral sex, you can be a bit freer as the oral penetration tends to be shallow. When you are performing deepthroat, you want to get into positions that elongate your throat to make it easier to access. When starting out, a good position to try is laying on your back with your head hanging off the edge of the bed/sofa/chair/whatever the hell you are laying on. This will open your throat up. You can perform deepthroating in standard oral sex positions (e.g. on your knees), but pay attention to how you angle your head. Take your time and find the angle that is most comfortable to you. Once you find your position you can really have fun with it.
Another tip to make it easier is to keep your mouth wide open without wrapping your lips around their penis as you normally would when performing oral sex. This puts less pressure on your jaw, gives you better access to your air passage and encourages saliva production. The age-old rule of ‘the wetter, the better’, applies here. Try leaving your tongue hanging a little out of your mouth too as this will flatten the back of it and give you more wiggle room. Also…people generally don’t enjoy teeth scraping their penis, so this technique helps you avoid that.
Pro Heaux Tip: When you go down on your partner if you can manage to get your mouth to the base of their penis, cup and lift their balls closer to your mouth and stick your tongue out. This will allow you to lick their balls simultaneously, providing additional stimulation that will drive them wild.
Please bear in mind that you will not look cute at any point of this process, so don’t even try
You will have dribble running down your face (your chest too if you’re going for gold) and your partner’s crotch, not to mention any bodily fluids that make their way out of their penis. Think of yourself like a slutty pelican; mouth agape and the d*ck is the fish swimming around inside…that was a stupid analogy, but you get it. You shouldn’t be performing for your partner anyway. You are not a porn star. This is real-life sex and it is messy, clumsy and awkward at the best of times, but that’s what makes it fun. If it makes you feel any better you can look up at them and see the weird sex faces they are making.
Breathe
Not only does this make things easier for you, but also a cool rush of air in a warm mouth can provide a delicious contrast for the receiver. “How do you breathe with a dick in your throat?” I hear you cry. There are two ways. The first one is breathing through your nose. Your air passage is at the back of your mouth and connects to your throat. When you withdraw the penis, that is an opportunity to inhale. Alternatively, you can draw breath through your mouth too. You can either take a deep breath and go for as long as you can or (once you’ve had a bit more experience with this method) you can find a rhythm where you breathe each time the penis is withdrawn. Experiment with this and see what makes you feel the most comfortable.
Once you are comfortable enough to crank things up a notch, give your partner control. As always, communication is key. If either of you become uncomfortable, don’t feel awkward about checking in with each other. Sex is meant to be fun, not suffering….and even if you want it to be suffering that should also be communicated. I love giving my partner control when I perform oral sex - I am a submissive. Control may look like them pushing your head down or straight f*cking your face… whatever tickles your fancy.
When It All Comes To A Head
The finale, aka your partner’s climax. Yes, your partner does need your consent to release inside of your mouth! Not everybody is a fan of jizz and it can be a more intense experience if it’s in your throat as their fluids may make you queezy. Vomiting is a possibility but the better you communicate with each other and respect each other’s boundaries, the less likely it is to happen. Come to an agreement beforehand about where they will cum and if they need to alert you. For many, communication and preparation make all the difference in the world.
Those are the basics and I hope they help you on your personal pleasure journey. Communicate, find the right position, stay lubricated, breathe, have fun and remember that it’s mostly mind over matter, so relax!
