"I was hoping my friend with benefits would become my boyfriend, but he told me that he’s not interested in romance because I don’t have an orgasm during intercourse. He said it just doesn’t feel right, and he needs a woman who knows how to get off. I’m crushed because I thought what we had together was special, but he has pulled away. I orgasm with direct clitoral stimulation: oral, vibrator, tactile. He doesn’t like it if I use a vibrator, and he goes limp if it takes too long with touch. Is there something I can do? I think our relationship is over and I’m worried about my next one. I’m 55."
Joan answers:
There’s nothing wrong with your sexual responses, and I would like to throttle your FWB. He says he “needs a woman who knows how to get off” —you do know perfectly well how to get off! What he doesn’t understand is that 75 percent of women do not have orgasms through intercourse alone. Most of us need clitoral stimulation, before, during, or instead of intercourse.
His penis goes limp if you take a long time manually? So what? It’s not about him. He doesn’t want you to use a vibrator? Vibrators are orgasm tools, and for many of us, orgasms rarely happen without them.
I’m sorry you’re suffering, but you’re well rid of someone who has so little understanding of women’s orgasms, isn’t willing to learn, and shames you for being perfectly normal. Show him this before you point the way to the door.
