New toys can be intimidating, especially when exploring them with a partner. Fresh from the research lab is guest author, Sophia Reading. This article is packed with advice and experience to support your exploration into the wonderful world of couple’s sex toys.
Heteronormative society has created a tiered ranking system of sexual activity, with P-in-V “intercourse” as the pinnacle. All other forms of sex are often treated as either special treats, or foreplay in this ranking. Or if the speaker is really conservative, abominations.
This of course all stems back to seeing sexual activity as a procreative act, rather than a fun activity. Once you untether sex from baby-making, you’re free to make your own choices as to what acts are the most fun. Even then, we often seem to focus on penetrative acts. But I’m here to say that non-penetrative sex is valid, and can be just as fun if not more fun.
Let’s consider some of the benefits of non-penetrative sex for a couple with a penis and a vulva
1. The risk of pregnancy can be reduced to basically zero.
2. No need for the penis-haver to maintain an erection for the entire time.
3. Easier to accommodate physical matters, such as limited mobility, different body sizes, or chronic pain.
4. Adaptable for vaginal pain, dryness, or other discomfort.
5. Solution for navigating refractory periods, different levels of arousal, etc. Each partner to experience a different set of sensations based on what feels good in their body at the moment.
6. May be more enjoyable for people who have experienced traumatic penetrative sex in the past.
My partner and I frequently have non-penetrative sex, for various reasons. Sometimes it’s just part of an encounter, and sometimes it’s the main attraction. After 21 years of marriage, it’s good for us to mix things up! But there’s no denying that as much fun as we can have without penetration, there’s something that feels special about the togetherness of typical penetrative positions.
What if we could have the best of both worlds?
Hot Octopuss recently provided us with a PULSE DUO LUX couple’s toy. This gave us the opportunity to explore a whole new way to have non-penetrative sex.
Our First Impressions of PULSE DUO LUX
The first thing that struck both of us was how surprisingly heavy PULSE DUO LUX is. I expected it to be smaller, and was impressed but also slightly intimidated by its size and weight. I was concerned that it might prove uncomfortable for one or both of us. My partner was concerned that the weight of the toy might pull it right off of their penis, unless they were on the bottom.
PULSE DUO LUX also has a somewhat, well, tactical look to it. The styling definitely seems to be designed to appeal to male-identified people. My partner thinks it looks a bit like a Xenomorph head. I think it looks like Batman’s codpiece.
My partner was also, admittedly, a bit intimidated by the power of the PulsePlate (designed to stimulate their penis). We had some concerns about whether it would either be unpleasant, or so good that they’d finish too quickly.
I’m happy to say that while there was a bit of a learning curve with DUO LUX, once we figured it out, it was a pretty fun toy.
Take Your Time and Don’t Take it Too Seriously
My number one tip for couples who want to try PULSE DUO LUX is to take some time to figure out how it works. Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of the moment. You can figure out the controls while you’re both fully dressed and just have a few minutes to kill.
But you’ll also want to figure out positioning. PULSE DUO LUX has a PulsePlate for the penis-haver and a separate motor for the vulva-haver. You’ll need to figure out who needs to be where for those to hit the right spots. If you figure out the basic geometry ahead of time, you won’t have to spend as much time making adjustments in the moment.
Which positions work best with this couple’s toy?
We discovered that with me (the vulva-haver) on top, it was pretty easy to keep PULSE DUO LUX in place between us. The weight was distributed evenly so my partner didn’t feel like it was being pushed down onto their body. I was also surprised to find that I got some fun and interesting vibrations where my thighs were pressed against their hips, as the vibes traveled through our bones. However, I never really managed to position myself in such a way where I felt like DUO was doing enough for me. The dispersed vibrations across my entire vulvar area were fun, but wasn’t enough to make me come.
With my partner on top, it was a little harder to keep the toy in place. If my partner moved around too much and pulled away from me, PULSE DUO LUX could easily fall off. We did eventually find just the right position. The toy not only stayed in place even with a bit of movement, but where I got more directed sensations to my clitoris, which got me pretty close!
Trying to figure things out was fun because we had good humor about it and a sense of experimentation. At one point we joked about how we were having a three-way with a tiny robot. Let yourself laugh and enjoy any awkwardness that arises as you find the position that best works for you.
Will Duo Lux Become a Regular Part of Our Sex Life?
I don’t think we’ll reach for PULSE DUO LUX every time we have sex, but I also think we have room for a lot more experimentation! Each time we’ve used it, we’ve had ideas we could try next time. It’s been a good way to inject some novelty into our long-term relationship.
My partner really enjoys the sensation of the PulsePlate, and PULSE DUO LUX can also be used solo, if they want. I’m happy to have something in our toy box that is designed to give them pleasure, and that we can enjoy together.