“If you’d like to give roleplay a try but you want something that lets you decide on the level of power exchange you want, and lets you play with gender however you like, today is your lucky day.” Sophia Reading breaks down kinky roleplay anarchy for folks who want a different take on this BDSM favorite.
Roleplay Anarchy – Sexy Roleplay Minus The Power Hierarchy
Have you and your partner considered roleplay as a way to spice up your relationship? It’s a popular way to inject some kink into your life, and for good reason! Roleplaying is fun, creative, and incredibly flexible. It can allow you to capture some novelty, while still relying on the trust and great connection that you’ve built in a long-term relationship. You can tailor it to your personalities, too: roleplay scenarios can be steamy, funny, or downright weird.
However, some people are hesitant to give roleplaying a try. Usually when we encounter sexual roleplay in popular culture, it’s depicted as relying heavily on gender roles and power dynamics that may feel uncomfortable.
If you’d like to give roleplay a try but you want something that lets you decide on the level of power exchange you want, and lets you play with gender however you like, today is your lucky day. I’ve come up with three really fun scenarios! Each one is increasingly complex or immersive, based on the level of commitment and/or nerdery you want to bring to it.
Are you ready to get into character?
Kinky Roleplay #1: Strangers Who are DTF
Do you miss dating and hookup culture? But kind of not really, because you don’t miss weeding out all the bad matches? This simple roleplay scenario is for you! Capture all of the fun of a first date, but with guaranteed sexual chemistry because you’re meeting your favorite person.
This is a great introduction to roleplay because you don’t have to assume a personality different from your own!
If you want, you can just pretend to be yourself, but single (or cheating on your partner, if that’s a kink you two want to explore). Of course, if you want to “level up”, so to speak, you can create a new persona. Try on your dream career, pretend to be a celebrity, invent a weird hobby. This will give you something fun to discuss on your date. You and your partner could each come up with a secret that the other tries to discover through conversation (or in the bedroom).
The other fun thing about this scenario is that it’s really easy to play out in public…
even if you’re shy and don’t want to feel like an exhibitionist. You and your partner can literally meet for a date and get into character over dinner and drinks. If your budget allows, one of you can even reserve a hotel room for the night.
Kinky Roleplay #2: Sexy Spies Doing Spy Stuff
Did you like the optional “secret” layer to the last scenario? Then you’ll love this one! You both play spies from opposing factions trying to obtain secret information.
This scenario is infinitely flexible, based on what you and your partner would enjoy most.
Dynamics: If you do want to play with power exchange, you can decide ahead of time which one of you has the more valuable information, is from the more powerful faction, or has the superior skillset. You can also discuss swapping power, where you’ll take turns getting the upper hand on each other.
Kinks: This is the perfect scenario to play with restraints or other BDSM elements. Consider trying orgasm denial as a method to drive your “opponent” wild until they give up their secrets.
While you can keep this one simple by being modern-day spies, there are a few level-up variations available
History buffs can choose from any number of past real-world conflicts. Movie nerds can adopt personae from spy movies. Sci-fi aficionados can pretend to be working for competing mega-corps in a futuristic setting (this one neatly sidesteps any unsexy political ramifications of historic conflicts).
Dress up!
Feel free to break out any neglected evening wear hanging in your closet and play out a Casino Royale scenario. Historic settings call for vintage looks. A cyberpunk dystopia gives you an excuse to get as weird as you want with fashion and makeup. You can also go “undercover” in your regular clothing. After all, you might not stay dressed for long!
Kinky Roleplay #3: Just Lean Into The Nerdery
But what if you want to really roleplay? What if you miss your old D&D group? Then this scenario is for you. It’s not just a sexual fantasy: it’s a sexual epic fantasy.
One of you will play the role of an adventurer. The other will assume the mantle of a powerful magic worker of your choice: witch, sorcerer, druid, minor deity, etc. The adventurer has come in search of the magical amulet that will save their village. The catch? The magic amulet has to be charged with sexual energy.
More than any of the others, this scenario lets you completely step away from the real world and the role you occupy within it. You and your partner can assume any number of fantasy personae. Either of you could be an elf, an orc, a faerie, even a shape-shifted dragon.
You can get as deep into this fantasy as you want
Feel free to break out your cosplay or Ren Faire costumes (just make sure to keep the lube away from any hard-to-wash fabrics!). The partner playing the magical being could even run a short D&D or other game session leading up to the sexy times.
Tabletop roleplaying is also traditionally a group activity. If you happen to be part of a triad or other poly relationship structure interested in roleplay and group sex, it’s really easy to expand this scenario! An entire adventuring group can meet the magical being and have to fuel the amulet with an orgy.
Speaking of the amulet, for couples consisting of one partner with a penis and one with a vulva, consider using a for couples consisting of one partner with a penis and one with a vulva, consider using a DUO couple’s toy as the amulet, as long as the modern appearance won’t ruin your immersion. The amulet is “charged” once you’ve both come!
I Hope You’re Feeling Inspired!
If none of these scenarios quite work for you, hopefully they’ve at least got your imagination running. Sit down with your partner and discuss all the different scenes and personalities and dynamics you could explore together. Remember, this is about having fun!