How to Kick Ass at Being Single
Being single . . . we’ve all been there, done that. But have you really taken the time to figure out what the benefits of being single are? Being single can be a very empowering time to get to know yourself and what types of relationships you want to have.
Explore The Unexpected Benefits of Being Single
Life can seem set-up for couples (weddings, restaurant seating, living situations, etc.) and being single is often made out to be some sort of curse that you need to weasel your way out of immediately. Being single isn’t so bad and there’s actually loads more value in being on your own than society lets on.
Prioritize Building Friendships
Having friends to rely on outside of partnerships is so important and friendships often fall by the wayside when embarking on new romantic relationships, intentionally or not. “One of the major benefits of being single is having space in your life to spend quality time with friends,” says Roxy Zarrab, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist. When you’re single, you have much more time to build and maintain strong bonds with your friends.
Celebrate Your Independence
Are there trips you’ve always wanted to take? Cities you’ve dreamt of living in? Hobbies you’ve never tried? When you’re single, the possibilities are endless; there are no one else’s rules to live by, or opinions to take into consideration. Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to try and take steps to make them happen!
Embrace Being Selfish
When you’re single, you can do whatever you want, with little to no regret (well, you know what I mean.) If you want to spend the weekend sitting on the couch watching GOT, eating takeout and ice cream, DO IT! If you want to have casual sex with the hot bartender you’ve always had eyes for, DO IT! (post-pandemic speaking, of course.) And don’t feel bad about it! Your time is not owed to anyone and you can do what truly makes you happy. If you don’t know what makes you happy just yet, embrace your self-care routine. Start by doing the things that feel good for your body and in due time your mind will follow.
Lay Claim To A Sex Life All Your Own
Masturbate where you want (within reason), when you want, to whatever porn you want! Experiment with your sexuality, try new positions, toys, partners, anything! And do it without shame or guilt, because singledom is the best time to figure out your truest sexual desires. And a fun fact for you, single folx actually have more sex than partnered or married folx, so strike while the iron is hot!
Get to Know Your Values
Could you name your three most important values off the top of your head? Have you explored what values you hold close while in a relationship, as well as while being single? We’ve listed some of the most important values that make for healthy romantic relationships:
Practice Honesty
A top priority for most. Honesty starts with being true to yourself and gaining clarity about what you want out of your relationships. If you aren’t being honest with yourself, how can you expect that of your partner? Honesty can be a deal breaker for most individuals and without trust, it’s nearly impossible to build a healthy, stable relationship.
Make Friends With Open Communication
How do you give and receive feedback? Do you shut down or blow up in the face of tough conversations? Being able to recognize your communication style (or lack thereof) and how you involve others in that, is crucial to connecting with your potential partner. If you’re still figuring out how to communicate your feelings in a thoughtful way, let that be known to all involved parties and continue working on it!
Unpack The Concept Of Autonomy
Healthy relationships require some level of autonomy, as to not lose your sense of self. To foster healthy autonomy, it’s helpful to figure out what your wants and needs are for independence and closeness. When discussing with a new partner, listen to what the other needs, and figure out the balance that works for both of you. Is your potential partner okay with you taking vacations by yourself? How would you feel if they vacationed with just their friends or another partner?
Reflect Upon How You Express Emotions
What do you need when you’re dealing with tough feelings? If all you want is to be alone while you process, your partner should know that. If you like to talk it out, your partner should know that. Finding out your Love Language is a great way to connect with how you give and want to receive love in your life. Whether it be concerning work, family or your relationship, how do you go about resolving conflict or working through disagreements on difficult subjects?
What Kind of Relationships Do You Want?
Sure, you can fantasize about a story-book romance, where you and your prince or princess maintain a happy, monogamous relationship until the end of your years. Is that really what you want? Or is that what society has instilled upon you? If you could have multiple partners, would you? What would that look like to you? There are plenty of types of relationships to choose from nowadays, that go beyond the outdated monogamous norm: platonic, romantic, open, polyamorous, just to name a few.
Closing
Singledom can be scary to those just out of a relationship. The dating world can seem overwhelming and being on your own may not be something that you’re used to. Still, there are SO many personal benefits that you can take advantage of when you have only yourself to consider. Creating space and making time to find your sexy single self is super hot and will only benefit you and your future partner.
