I enjoy using toys.
They have become a vital part of my routine for sexual well-being: through solo sex — and eventually partnered sex as my sexual confidence grew.
As a sexual confidence coach, I’ve been advocating masturbation - with or without toys - to ignite your pussy power for a decade — and I teach vulva owners how to increase their sexual confidence and manifest through the art of sex magic, yoga and sensual touch. We’ll explore that joyfully in another blog post, but today I want to tell you about a profound, ground-breaking experience I had with my lover. And my latest toy.
Not to be a cliché, but it was on the evening of Valentine’s: the mood was set; the scented candles were lit; the Slow Jam playlist was on in the background; and my body was dressed in a beautiful lace set as my lover lay me down on the bed… Both unaware that this experience would teach me how to trust my partner.
How I Let My Partner Control My Pleasure
Another lesson in sitting in my feminine energy and allowing him to pleasure me with my new toy - without any directions, only communicating my satisfaction through facial expressions and vocalising through sensual sounds - I allowed him to be in complete control of my pleasure.
Why did I find this so difficult in the past? Was it because I lived as a dominatrix for over a decade? Or perhaps it was my defense mechanism to keep myself safe?
He paid attention to the rhythm of my breath and how my body moved when he placed my vibrator on my clit. My legs opened, my body relaxed, and in this moment, I was comfortable with him looking at my Vulva.
His face was pleased and almost fascinated at the sight of my Vulva. This level of comfortability, for some, is a beautiful goal to reach.
Learn to love your Vulva
My advice to my clients is to look at your Vulva in the mirror: it's empowering to know what you look like, to learn to accept what genitals look like, and to become comfortable sitting with your legs open, why not try this exercise in the mirror? Did you automatically get grossed out by the idea of this, or perhaps you became shy of the thought of viewing your Vulva in the mirror? Whatever your resistance is, I encourage you to work through it, as your Vulva is the source of your pleasure and power.
Explore your body with curiosity, not judgment. Aim to be comfortable with your Vulva and speak beautiful words of gratitude and love with each touch.
A Yoni (Vulva) massage is a great exercise to feel connected with your power; it’s an act of appreciation and awareness; and, of course, masturbation is a great way to explore your pleasure zones and bring awareness to the centre of your power.
Are you aware of what your Vulva does when she is pleased or unsatisfied? Does your Vulva get wetter? Does she feel relaxed? Or is she tense or dry? Are you aware of the position of your pelvis? Is this position giving you pleasure or pain? Are you present enough in your body to realise when you are feeling pleasure? And if you are, are you communicating this to your lover?
Revolutionise Your Self-Pleasure with DiGiT
Back to this special night…
He gently placed the toy at the entrance of my Vulva — ensuring it was well-lubricated beforehand. I remember thinking: ‘Ahh, this is new…’ — as I’ve always enjoyed direct contact with my clit and only ever explored it in that area.
He was playing in my playground, and we were exploring together. A new experience arose when he placed the toy at the entrance of my anus. Removing stigma and shame from our sexuality allows us to explore and be free with our bodies. I felt free that night.
The DiGiT has two hoops that your fingers go through to hold. This added to my arousal when my lover entered his two fingers in between the holder - the other hand free to explore my body - whilst I enjoyed a wave of pleasure.
I enjoyed the range of levels the toy had — as they allowed a steady state of orgasm. That's right. A state of orgasm. I wanted to climax slowly. Edging - when you’re nearing orgasm and then pull back - can be an exciting experience: allowing one to be fully immersed in the pleasure our body is feeling — and not rushing to an end goal which, for many, is the big O.
This experience would teach me how to trust my partner, stay present in the moment and fully relax.
My final thought:
Can sex be a form of therapy? Can allowing yourself to surrender to pleasure be the new way of self-healing?
XOXO
Miss Erica Storm
