Wanting to do your first kink scene? It’s probably easier – and more fun – than you think! In this article, we’ll demystify negotiation, planning, and how to have a smouldering good time.
How to negotiate a scene
Before you skip ahead to the how-to section, you must – MUST! – cosy up to the unsung hero of BDSM: negotiation.
Every kink scene must be negotiated in advance, no matter how long you’ve known your partner. Ask questions. Get clarity. Check in.
Both/all people involved in the scene should get on the same page about the following:
– Do you have any medical conditions, allergies, or mental health triggers?
– If an episode of your condition is triggered, how should I respond?
– What do you want out of this scene? Be specific.
– Do you have any favourite toys you want to incorporate?
– Name your soft limits. Things that can be done to push buttons or challenge one another, which are not particular favourites but which you are willing to do. Can also be something challenging that you’ve wanted to try.
– Be clear on your hard limits. These are things you are absolutely not willing to do and can also include specific sensations or triggering words.
– Which parts of your body do you want to be touched?
– What parts of your body do you not want to be touched?
– Let’s agree whether to use a safeword (“TACO TRUCK!”), stoplight method (“Green – keep going! Yellow – slow down. Red – stop right now,”) grown-up words (“Hey Chuck, I need to stop now,”) a hand signal, or an object to drop on the ground (in cases of bottoms who know that they go non-verbal in subspace, or when playing in loud settings.)
– Do you want aftercare? If so, what? Both tops and bottoms can receive aftercare.
– If sexual fluids are going to be a part of the scene, it’s recommended to use gloves and condoms in addition to emailing one another results of your most recent STD panel.
A negotiation is a living thing, which means that what feels good – and what feels bad – can change from moment to moment. It’s our responsibility to check in with ourselves and one another frequently during a kink scene. Respond with affirmation and support. As we practice responding with affirmation and support, trust is strengthened. As trust grows, so does our relationship.
Scene 1: Make me a sammich
Supplies: apron, sandwich fixin’s
How-to:
1. The top instructs the bottom on which clothing items to remove. They then instruct the bottom to don their apron.
2. The top proceeds to instruct the bottom to build them the perfect sandwich. They may be sitting in a chair, smoking a cigar, or masturbating while this is happening. Basically, the top is doing whatever makes them feel most powerful and sexy at that moment.
3. Ways to lean into the power dynamic:
– Tell the bottom to bring the loaf of bread to you for inspection. Squeeze the bread to determine its softness.
– Be subdued but finicky with your preferences. Supervise the bottom applying the condiments (“Thicker please. Not quite that thick. Thank you,”) meat (“Daddy likes his meat rolled, not flat,) and cheese (“Tsk tsk! Cut that in triangles please.”)
– Bend your bottom over the counter. Spank, tease and caress them with various kitchen implements.
– Command the bottom to masturbate or do whatever else you want while you enjoy your sandwich.
Scene 2: Mouth Exploration
Optional supplies: popsicle, nitrile gloves, floss, napkins
How-to:
1. Have the bottom lie on their back. Offer a bolster or anything else needed to accommodate their comfort.
2. Put on the nitrile gloves (optional.) Match your breath to the bottom’s, watching their belly rising and falling for cues when to inhale and exhale. Proceed to slowly draw your fingertip along the surface of their lips.
3. “Open.” Instruct your bottom to open their mouth. Gradually slip your finger inside, running it along their gums. Then, explore the various surfaces of their teeth and gums.
4. “Suck.” Tell your bottom to suck your finger. Move your finger in and out of their mouth while you continue to stimulate their gums and tongue.
5. At this point your partner is probably feeling drooly. Hold the napkin next to their cheek and have them turn their head toward it, allowing any excess saliva to flow into the absorbent surface. (If the awkwardness and humiliation of this turn them on, there’s a good chance that your partner would be into medical play!) 6. Now it’s time to get weird. Wrap a piece of floss around your fingers and proceed to floss your bottom’s teeth. And remember, laughter is good! By regarding your requests as perfectly reasonable (and modelling to your bottom that they do the same) you’re adding to the power dynamic.
6. “Lick, lick, suck.” Enter popsicle. Peel off the wrapper and hold the melty treat above the bottom’s mouth and instruct them to wait for your command. Command them when to lick, when to suck, and when to bite. Good.
7. If desired, end scene with cuddles and popsicle flavoured kisses.
Scene 3: Little time!
Age play can be incredibly easy to slip into.Supplies needed: any costumes, toys, or treats that the Little wants.
How-to:
1. Initiate the scene by asking your Little, “Does my sweet boy/tiny unicorn/fairy pirate want to play?”
2. When they say, “Yep!” proceed with any negotiated activities. This may include wrestling, building a blanket fort, or cuddling and watching cartoons.
3. Incorporate over the knee (OTK) spankings or lap time as desired.
4. Make sure to give your Little lots of smooches, candy, and words of affirmation.
5. Take it on the road! Little scenes take well to undercover play. Take your little on an ice cream date or to the movie theatre. They can bring a pocket-sized stuffed animal and wear their favourite little clothes underneath their normal ones. A sparkly butt plug or a wink from Daddy can send them over the moon during sneaky public play.
I can hear the wheels turning in your head. Good! Make notes of your kink scene ideas. Imagine big, but when it comes to planning and execution, make things as simple as possible. Most importantly, enjoy the process of imaging and creating these delightful experiments with your partners.
